My Time Is Now
by Raeburns3
Summary: Life is unbelievably unfair for Bella Swan. All she wants is to be loved back, by the only person who has touched her heart. Will that, can that happen? One-shot I wrote a while ago, Rated T could be Rated M - but seeing as there is no ACTUAL sex...


_Three words._

Fucking.

Jacob.

Black.

The destroyer of my life, my best friend, and…the person I love. But I cant have.

_One word._

Girlfriend.

Yes, completely _typical_ that the guy that confides in you about _everything_, because he thinks you're his best friend and _thinks_ the feelings mutual - where you have to sit there and patiently endure him drooling, then complaining then bragging then moaning about his fucking whore of a girlfriend (who you actually caught fucking her neighbour in the bush last weekend) and do _FUCK ALL _about it.

That is _exactly_ how my life is.

And, I'm _not_ the girlfriend.

I'm the sad best friend, left waiting in the wings. Just waiting, for a chance. A _moment_. A glimmer of hope that Jacob Black would love me.

_The hardest thing to do in life, is to watch the one you love, love someone else_. Fact - I should know.

To make things worse, we're neighbours, our parents are best friends, we went to the same school. And now _both_ work at the same animal shelter.

If I ever _wanted_ to avoid him, it's kind of looking not so great right now.

And here we _both_ were, scrubbing down a dog each, mine a little husky named Terror, his a golden retriever called Lucy. And he was _moaning_, can you guess who about?

Are you feeling sympathy for me yet?

"Why don't you just dump that whore?" I muttered. Jacob sighed. He knew I hated his girlfriend, and I knew it upset him having to be torn like he was. But he could never be as upset as I was.

"I don't know. I don't know what to do."

"I would," I grumbled, rinsing Terror slowly and thoroughly.

"You would what? Know what to do? Tell me then Bella." I was floored.

"You don't really want to know," I murmured, wishing he never heard. A warm hand was suddenly wrapped around mine, soft and comforting. That was it. For him. No romance lit through his veins like it did in mine. He didn't have to control his lust at our touch. He didn't get aroused by the close proximity of our bodies.

We were friends. Best friends. But that's all that it would ever be.

Might as well just tell him.

"I want to know. Please tell me. You can tell me anything." As if the dogs could suddenly understand _human_, they both whined, almost in agreement.

I chewed my lip, debating mentally whether or not it would risk having a small chance of actually gaining the same feelings I had for him. It wouldn't hurt to try…

I looked up into his soft, concerned dark pools and sighed. If you hadn't noticed, he had that effect on me.

"If I were you. I would leave her…"

"You've already said that. Tell me what you would do, if you were me. Apart from leave Leah."

"I'd go for someone who knew me, and understood me, accepted me for who I am. Not how…_handsome and strong_ I am," he smiled slightly, "Someone who I'd known my _whole_ life. Someone who wants to know me much more than that. Someone who I've never knew that loved me. But has always be right under my nose." I looked up from our entwined fingers to his face. His beautiful confused face, hovered my own. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it, processing what I had said a bit longer before speaking.

"I-I don't know what to say." I closed my eyes. He _understood_. 

"Don't say anything. Just _kiss_ me." It was quiet for a long moment, I dared to open my eyes and check if he was still there. But I knew he was, he still held tenderly onto my hand. I knew I just had to wait. I've waited forever, a moment longer is nothing in comparison.

I saw his shadow moving closer to mine, as he inclined his head to my own beneath my eyelids. My moment was coming. After all this time, I should have known it wouldn't have hurt just to _try_…

His soft lips brushed mine with the slightest of touches. My hand trembled in his own with excitement and a _whole_ other range of emotions. He pulled away, and I thought it was over, he would leave me now, run back to his whore. I kept my eyes closed, wanting to prolong the moment, make it last…

I don't know what he saw on my face, but suddenly his lips were touching mine again. Not touching, but _crushing_. Moulding my mouth to the shape of his. I was stunned by the ferocity of his lips moving against mine, his _body_ pressed against mine. But I was getting my wish. He was responding.

Before I could catch my breath, his tongue was in my mouth, licking, sucking, stroking at my own. I loved it. Loved it _so_ much, I couldn't help the moan escape the back of my throat.

And then his mouth was gone. His tongue left mine. His body left mine. His hand left mine. He left. I opened my eyes quick enough to see him stealing out of the steamy room. He turned to me before he left, his eyes glued firmly on the floor - as if it disgusted him to look at me.

"I loved you." He whispered. And that was it.

I was wrong all along.

_It does hurt to try…_

I never managed to finish washing the dogs. I just let them shake out the excess water, and lead them to their pens. No words of affection. That was it.

Before I curled up in a ball and cried.

I cried for seconds, minutes, maybe even hours. I know it must have been a long time, because it started to get dark outside, until the point where I was in the pitch black, sobbing my heart out.

What was left of my heart…

Not much, by the raw pain, stabbing and slashing at my chest.

I couldn't get over it. The words kept on playing and playing over in my desolate mind.

_I loved you_…

The _past_ tense. Not _I _love _you_.

I choked out another body racking sob.

The light flicked on, blinding me beneath my closed eyelids. A couple of the dogs howled by the sudden intrusion. They had been quiet through the whole performance. Quiet, leaving me with my sadness.

"Bells," Someone sighed in relief. A recognisable voice, but I couldn't really hear due to the loud strangled noises echoing out of my chest.

"Baby, what happened?" Mom. Her soft hands were stroking at my hair - no doubt soaked with tears. I couldn't seem to control the crying long enough to spit out a few words. A few lies. I shook my head, pulling my sodden hands away. I never opened my eyes. I'm not sure what would have happened then.

"We'll talk about it later. I've been looking all over for you. Let's get you home and have a nice hot bath." She lifted me easily to my feet and wrapped both arm tightly around me, supporting most of my weight as she lead me to the car. As I cried silently into her chest, I heard her murmur a few words to my colleagues, friends, workers as they took in my form.

I'm not sure what I looked like to them. But I felt like a pile of shit.

She held my hand the whole way home - not long, but it felt like an eternity. She helped me out of the car, and re-wrapped her arms around my rigid body, although it wasn't really necessary. My tears had ran out just a moment ago.

As we made our way to the house. I didn't dare cast one glance to the house next door. Just the thought of it made me feel sick to my stomach.

"Hey, your back- Whoa. What _happened_?" I heard my older brother's voice. Emmett. He was always the kind big brother. No argument ever occurred between us. Only when he got a little too over protective and I had to remind him to back off. It made mom's life a whole lot easier.

"I don't know. She hasn't said a word." I felt a new pair of hands on me, stroking, then hugging and soothing. Emmett rocked me gently against his body.

"You want me to run a bath for her?" He asked.

"Please. I'm gonna fix her some food. I don't think she's eaten all day." And I don't want to eat now, I wanted to say. But I still couldn't find those words…

"Come on, sweetie." Emmett made his way to the stairs, with me hanging off of his bicep. He noted my slow pace before sweeping me up in his arms, like I weighed nothing, carrying me easily up the stairs.

He placed me softly on my bed, leaving a small kiss on my forehead before rushing off to run me a bath.

If I had to tell anyone about this incident, it would be Emmett, _then_ my mom. I just felt that much closer to him than anyone else.

Even…

No. I couldn't say his name. I _cant_. Not now.

As far as I knew it, it was over. What I loved was gone.

But where would he go? Would he avoid me forever? I thought back to that painful kiss. The best experience of my life…

But also the worst.

Would - if ever brought up (I'm having my doubts) - he deny kissing me, that he provided? Is he going to go back to his whore, pretending that nothing happened? Watch her happily celebrate not having the extra baggage hanging off of his arm, splitting his time up with her. Lessening it, but now its all ok? She probably give him a good fucking in memory of me…

I threw myself off the bed and ran for the toilet. Reaching it just in the nick of time, heaving and retching, trying to throw up what wasn't there. I was hardly aware that Emmett had been running my bath, shocked by my sudden appearance and was now holding my hair back for me as my body tried to expel the nauseating images of _Jacob_ and his hoe out of my system…

I gagged again.

"Bella! Are you alright?" His concerned voice was right in my ear. He soaked a flannel with cold water as I slumped back against his hard chest, before wiping it gently across my forehead.

"What's going on?" Mom rushed into the bathroom, gasping in shock as she saw the scene before her. Me lying haggard and sweaty across Em's lap on the floor.

"I don't know! I left her in her room to run the bath and then she runs in and tries to puke in the toilet. Maybe she's got the flu." I shook my head before mom could respond. As Emmett was supporting my head in his large hands, he felt the movement and all eyes were on me.

"What is it Bells?" His voice was laced with genuine worry. The cool flannel brushed against my face again. Wiping it clean of sweat and tears.

"Jake." I whispered in an emotionless voice. I thought I would have lost it again. Burst into tears, screamed my eyes out. But I never did such thing. I just laid in my brothers arms, staring at his soft face. We looked nothing like each other really. He had dark hair, paled skin, black eyes, all features from my mom's side. I had brown hair, hazel eyes, darker skin, from my dad's side. We sometimes joked that we were adopted, we looked that different, I know it may not _sound_ too different - thank God I'm not blonde or I may as well have just been adopted - but when you look at us. You cant tell we're related.

When I first enrolled in his high school, some time back, people thought we were dating. I _know_.

God, I suck at trying to distract myself.

"Jake? What happened?" Em asked, mom watched silently but attentively at our conversation.

"I told him I loved him." Although, that wasn't exactly what I said. It had the same implications.

"You _did_? How'd he take it?" I gazed up at him. My eyes told him _exactly_ how he took it.

"Oh, sorry." I sighed and pulled myself up onto his lap. He cuddled me gently as I explained tonelessly. _Lifelessly._ It was my voice and even I could tell it had no emotion in it.

"He was moaning about that whore of his-"

"Leah?" Mom interjected. Of course she knew about her. Apart from me telling her, Jake was like her other son. He obviously mentioned her more than once.

"Yeah. Her," I closed my eyes for a moment, having to fight the sudden nausea again. Just hearing her name had me convulsing, "And then he asked me what I would do if I was him. So I told him."

"That?" Emmett prompted.

"That he should love _me_." I whispered against Em's chest. He sighed beneath me as did mom, before coming to crouch down beside us. She took one of my hands in her warm ones.

"Oh honey, you cant _make_ someone love you."

"I know. I didn't say that to him. I just let him know for the first time…that I've _always_ loved him." It wasn't new information to them. Luckily.

"What did he say?"

"He didn't _know_ what to say. So I told him to kiss me." Emmett laughed.

"Really?"

"Yes," I could have said a funny sarcastic comment at his taunting laugh. But I didn't. I didn't care less. I didn't care about anything, apart from mom and Em. That was it now. No Jake. Just family.

"And he _did_." I continued heartlessly.

"But what about L-"

"Please don't say her name." I cut my mom of with a whisper. I already felt sick enough as it was, I didn't want anything else to trigger off the horrifying nausea again.

"Sorry baby…Is that it?" I nodded slowly.

"And then he left."

"Without a word?" I closed my eyes.

"No. Before he left, he said, '_I loved you_'." And then I started to cry again. I cried in my brother and mothers comforting embrace. I cried as they stripped me off until I was in my underwear. I cried as they bathed me. I cried as they put me to bed, not making me eat anything, but mom left a glass of water on my bedside table encase I got thirsty. Seeing as all my bodily fluids seemed to be leaking out of my eyes.

I heard Emmett re-enter my bedroom not long later, climbing under my duvet next to me, dressed in his gray sweatpants he used as pyjama bottoms - I knew him _that_ well. He wrapped his long arms around me and pulled me against his bare chest - I wasn't grossed out by the contact. He was my brother for crying out loud. I was _warmed_ by the contact, as were my tears, as they soon dried out and I fell into a dead slumber in my brothers arms.

I woke late the next morning. Not as late as Em as he was still snoring lightly beside me. It was Monday. I thought I would be glad when I finally graduated, not having to endure the hellish horrors of school. But now I was just…_bored_. That's why I had a full time job at the kennels. To keep me occupied. It was a job I enjoyed and I got a fair share amount of money. Not as much as Emmett who worked at the down town office for the local paper, but I didn't really care. I know it was selfish. But mom was taking care of us, and she was happy too. I guess we should have been embarrassed, still living at our mom's house at our age, but we were in difficult times, what with the credit crunch and all that shit. Most kids were still with their parents.

Today of all days, was my only day off. And I wanted something to distract me. Something to take my mind off of him. Anything.

Em stirred beside me, his arms constricted tighter round my waist, his eyes blinked slowly open, to find me staring straight back up at him. He seemed genuinely shocked to find me awake. Huh. Maybe he thought he'd wake up to a corpse beside him. Wouldn't be surprised if he did.

"Your awake." I nodded.

"Listen. I know you don't want to talk about it, but you don't need to worry about _him_. He'll find out what he's missing out on soon enough," he smiled lightly, "You just need to get on with life as if nothing ever happened."

"Not talk to him?" He thought for a moment.

"Let him talk to you. Make the first move. _Until then_…you need a distraction."

"I know."

"You could come to work with me…?" I grimaced and he laughed.

"Well its up to you, sweets. I'm sure mom 'll have something for you to do."

"Okay."

"Best get up then. Got to go to work soon. I'm working late tonight." I nodded and extracted myself from his hold and climbed gingerly out of bed. I pulled on a dressing gown and followed Emmett downstairs, for breakfast. Mom had already left for work, but she had left a note on the fridge.

Chin up, honey. Talk to you later. Love you both x

I sighed before screwing up the sticky note and throwing it in the trash. Em fixed us some cereal and watched me from the corner of his eye, like I was going to do something rash. I tried to ignore it as best as I could, up until he left for work, and then I was on my own. Nothing to do. Everything to think about. But not wanting to.

I shuffled into my room and settled myself on my bed, picking up my book I was reading when the phone rang.

My heart froze for a fleeting second.

What if…

No. It couldn't be. But nonetheless, I went to get the phone.

"Hello?" God girl, cant I put _some_ emotion into my voice?

"Bells! It's Rose!" Disappointment and surprise flooded through me. Disappointment overwhelmed the shock. By far.

"Oh, hey."

"So…there's a big party at Jasper's tonight. Can you come?"

"Oh, erm…" This was what I wanted right? I wanted a _distraction_. I did say anything… "Sure." I tried to reply as enthusiastically as I could, but I think it sounded a little phoney.

"You want me to pick you up now? We need to go grab a costume."

"It's a costume party?"

"Yeah! The invite strictly says you have to dress as a superhero. I'm gonna go as _Catwoman!_"

"Oh, okay. Pick me up in…fifteen?"

"Gotcha. And, hey, why do you sound so sad?" I sighed.

"Tell about it later Rosalie." I said before hanging up.

I went to get ready. Dressing in plain clothes and pulling my hair up into a ponytail. I hardly recognized my face when I first looked in the mirror. It was drawn, paler than before, dark circles hung beneath my usually sparkling eyes, but now dull and emotionless. I tried to hide the dark circles as much as I could, but in the end gave up. Who cared what I looked like? Wasn't like I was trying to impress anyone. Not anymore…

The honking of Rose's car snapped me from my waking nightmare.

I grabbed my bag and purse, and left a note for mom on the fridge. I had my cell with me so she could always phone me if she needed to.

"Hey girl! H- Whoa, what's up with you?" My best girlfriend said as soon I had climbed into her car.

And so I told her. 

I told her _everything_ I had told my mom and Emmett last night. And trust me, she was the _last_ person I was gonna tell.

"Aw honey! It'll be okay." She gave me a nice friendly hug as she parked on the high street outside the quaint mall.

"I hope so." I muttered.

"Well, good job we're going to this party, huh?"

"Yeah."

"You know, if your looking for distractions. I could always set you up-"

"No!" I glared at her. Finally, _some_ emotion coming out of me.

"You don't wanna get laid?" I shook my head with a sad smile.

"No. Not ever."

"I got one!" I called to her over the changing room door. I threw her the 'sexy' cat suit I found over the door. She emerged moment later looking…_sexy_ and _cat womanly_.

"What'd you think?" She pirouetted in the long mirror of the fancy dress store. I smiled and gave her the thumbs up.

"Ooh, I _love _it!" She squealed, "Now let's get you a costume. I have the perfect one." She shoved me into her changing room and went to get my 'perfect costume'. Moments later some sort of fabric was landed on my head.

There wasn't much of it, that's for _sure_.

"Ow come on! _Elektra?_ She wears jack shit!" I complained loudly, examining the red leather, lace _and_ ribbon. It even came with those two fork things she carries with her.

"Go on B! It will suit you _so_ much! You look just like her!"

"I'll look like a _hoe_!" I heard her snicker on the other side of the door.

"Who _cares_? She's a superhero. Just shut up and put it on." I rolled my eyes, before stripping down and attempting - poorly, I might add - to pull on the red leather swimsuit thing, tying the ribbon around my legs. I let my hair down and pulled on that red bandana, before sliding in the two 'fork swords' under the ribbon on my legs. I pulled back the curtain and struck a pathetic pose. There was a round of applause from Rose, as well as two unmistakable wolf whistles. I blushed and yanked the curtain round my _extremely_ exposed body, peering out to see Jasper - the guy whose party it was - and his friend Sam making their way over to us.

"Looking _foxy_ Swan," Jazz winked at me, "All for me of course."

"You wish." Rose snorted.

"He does." Sam added wryly, Paul jabbed him in the stomach.

"So, your coming as Elektra?" I nodded.

"How'd you know?"

"Well…you do look a lot like her." Rose turned to me.

"See! I told you so." I rolled my eyes at her.

"So, why you hiding behind that curtain?" Sam asked with curious ochre eyes.

"Keeping my body away from your pervy gazes." They both started to chortle.

"Honey, we've seen more than _that_. Remember that time at the lake-"

"Don't remind me about the lake." I growled at Jasper. Trying to hold the blush back from my cheeks, as he brought up the time when I was changing behind a tree after being thrown in the water, before being scared shitless when Jazz, Sam and a couple other guys thought it would be funny to jump out on me. To scare me.

Yeah I was scared. Then humiliated when I realised I had no bra on. Tits out on display to all the very impressed a. holes.

All three of them laughed at my disgruntled expression.

"Hey. Are you okay? You look a bit…pale…?" Sam noted suddenly. Rose shot him a dark look out of the corner of her eye.

_Another tear through my heart_…

"I'm f-" My stomach lurched, and I felt as if I may throw up again as I spotted one of the _two_ people I was desperately trying not to think about, entering the costume store, followed by _her_ posse.

Leah _whore _bag.

"Bells!" I heard Sam, Jasper's and Rose's blurred voices close to my ears. Reassuring hands were positioned on my shoulders and gripped at my arms as I swayed uneasily, my knees threatening to buckle out.

Why is she here?

Did…_Jacob_ - daren't say his nickname, not now - tell her about our 'break up', now she was coming to find me to rub it in my pallid face?

My nails dug deep into whoever's arm I was holding onto, resulting in them letting out a low hiss. I couldn't find the words to apologize.

"What is up with you girl?!" The plain noises of the shop, were suddenly there, hitting round the head with the abrupt loudness. I blinked blindly and shook my throbbing head, gasping for air. How long had been holding my breath?

"That fucking who-"

"Oh, look who it is. You should stay down there more often, _Isabella_. Having people wipe their feet on you suits you." Leah suddenly popped up, eyeing me with a spiteful grin and she sneered at me, slumped against the floor. I resisted the urge to hurl in front of her.

Rose jumped to her feet.

"Why don't you back the _fuck_ off?! If you think you're the _shit_, why are you even wasting your shit _smelling_ breath talking to us? We have better things to do with our lives than be _seen_ with a ugly _runt_ like you!" She screamed at her. I clambered quickly to my feet and pulled her a good two feet away, I could see the steam starting to make its way out of _her_ ears.

"Your gonna regret you said that, Cullen," she spat, glaring at her hatefully before turning to me, a hideous smirk made its way to her lips and I knew what was coming. So I braced myself.

"I'm coming to the party, did you hear?"

"No." I stated coldly.

"Yeah, _Jakey _invited me _himself_,"

"_Jake_?" I breathed, ignoring the throbbing pain in my chest. I turned to Jazz with questioning, hurt eyes. I couldn't really take it out on him though, he doesn't know.

"I invited him a week ago. Guess he invited _her_." He muttered in explanation. Despite everything, it made me happier knowing more people hated Leah than…well, _a lot_ of people.

"Yeah. He's coming with me tonight. And I've got a _big_ surprise for him. He wont be able to keep his hands off of me. Not that I _want_ him to…" 

As I processed her words, I did something I was sure Jake would hear about.

I slapped that mother fucker.

"You _bitch_! Don't ever talk about him like that! He's a _man_, not a piece of meat you worthless _whore_!" I yelled at her, as she clutched her red face with both her hands. She looked as if she might cry. Good.

"I'll do what I _fucking_ want! Now I know how you _feel_, I'm going to give him a nice _long_ fucking, in memory of his pathetic _freak_ of a best friend. He's gonna scream _so_ loud, you'll be able to hear it, don't you worry," she came closer so her next words were a whisper, "That wont make you very happy, huh?"

I lunged for her again, but this time was retrained by my friends. She looked smug as she stepped away from my reach, pausing only to spit at my feet before making her way to the door.

"_We'll_ see you later." She sneered before exiting, leaving me screaming in frustration after her.

"Rose, _please_ don't make me do this. He's going to be there! So is she! It makes me _sick_." I moaned as she drove us to Jasper's, both of us in our costumes. Rose had transformed my face with her many amount of make-up, making me look, well…normal.

Not dead and emotionless, but maybe…_pretty_ even.

And all that hard work she put in and I was bailing out.

"Will you get a grip! Your going. End of discussion. You need this, Bells. It's been a day, I _know_. But the quicker the better, right? You said so yourself."

I sighed, "I know."

"Well then, let's enjoy ourselves girl! That what it's all about."

"But, I cant stop _thinking_ about what she said. You think she's really gonna, _you know_-"

"Screw him?" She finished. I took a deep steady breath and nodded.

"Of course I don't! He's not that kind of guy. I bet he's still a virgin. They haven't even been going out for a long time."

"But still…"

"Have you told him about that time you caught her fucking her neighbour?" She changed the subject abruptly.

"No. I wouldn't do something that I knew would hurt him…"

"She would. That's the difference! He'll get it through his thick head soon enough."

"He _does not_ have a thick head," I defended, though I didn't know what was the point. After all, he was the one that rejected me. That left me. Taking my heart with him.

"If he doesn't have a thick head. Why isn't he dating _you_?" She asked, almost smugly. I rolled my eyes, but never said anything. Why _isn't_ he dating me?

"Relax, my lovely. Everything will be just fine," She assured me, parking her 4x4 outside the house. I was in the car, and I could feel the vibrations of the music rocking through my already shaking body.

"Let's go sexy." She laughed, climbing out of the car as did I. I had to take a minute to stable myself on the gravel in these killer red leather boots she had lent me. Not to mention there was a draft up my ass, seeing as I was clad in practically a fucking leather swimsuit.

We made our way up Jasper's garden path gingerly avoiding the various 'superheroes' lying on the floor making out, or puking. We had decided to come later than earlier. That was always when the party _really_ started.

"Hey guys!" Jazz - I recognized by his voice - dressed as Batman approached us, enthusiastically swishing his cape. I couldn't help but laugh as he gave us a friendly hug.

Wow, shocker, I _laughed_.

Besides, the fact that he was a little bit off his head, he looked rather good looking.

God, what am I saying? I haven't even gotten over the guy that is _supposedly_ meant to be attending this fucking party. I cant get over him…Not now. Not ever.

But I was distracting myself. So this was okay.

"Girls, you are looking _fiiinneee_!" He slapped my semi exposed - frozen - butt. I laughed - half-heartedly - and he lead us inside to the upbeat party.

I tried not to look for Jake, but failed in doing so quite miserably. I'm not sure what I would have done if I did spot him in the masses of people, but I didn't and just felt more depressed.

"Hey guys, I wanna introduce you to my bro. _Edward_. Edward this is Isabella and Rosalie." Jasper interrupted my crowd scanning. I tore my searching gaze away from two people making out of the sofa - who I actually thought was Jake and…_her_, it actually _wasn't_, lucky for me - and looked straight into the _emerald_ eyes of Jasper's brother.

His _very_ attractive brother Edward.

Or should I say, _superman_.

Looked fucking super to me, I can tell you that.

"Hey," He shook both of mine and Rose's hand in his large soft one, smiling slightly but still capable of unhinging Rosalie's mouth. I had to elbow her to shut it.

"Hi. Nice to meet you." I tried to say as pleasantly as I could, but something happened to catch my eye over his shoulder so I wasn't really paying attention.

"Likewise," I think he grinned in my peripheral vision, but I didn't return the gesture. I was too busy trying to work out which one could be Jacob under the costume.

Ah fucker, might as well just give up. What does he mean to me anyway?

"Rose, you want a drink?" Jazz asked her, eyeing her scanty attire briefly for a moment. Oh, I _so_ knew _that_ look.

"Sure," She smiled. Not trying to hide the fact that she was eye fucking him. After she had eye fucked Edward of course.

He took her hand, "I think there's some Vodka in the basement…" I heard him say as he towed her away for a _banging_. I rolled my eyes, as did Edward who I nearly forgot was standing in front of me.

"Do _you_ want a drink?" He asked me. I raised my eyebrows at him.

"You not gonna take me to the basement are you?" He laughed, and under the fluorescent lighting, it looked like he was blushing.

"No, I was wondering if you wanted to get in drink from the _kitchen_."

"There's not a lock on the kitchen door, is there?" He laughed and rolled his eyes, before taking my free hand in his. It felt unnatural and weird, his hand wasn't as hot or soft as Jake's and I didn't really like it, but I didn't pull my hand away.

"Trust me. I wont take advantage of you in the _kitchen_." As he lead me to the alcohol cabinet, I noticed how he said he wouldn't take advantage of me 'in the kitchen', but he didn't say that he wouldn't take advantage of me anywhere else, did he?

God, there I go _again_. Paranoia's the name, did you notice?

He fixed me a drink and handed it to me. I was parched so I took a big gulp - big mistake - before choking on the liquor as it scarred my throat.

"Fuck. What is that? Vodka?" I coughed out, examining the clear liquid in the paper cup.

"No," He grinned coyly, "It's _Gin_."

"Gin? Straight gin? Wow, some influence on kids _you_ are." He chuckled and grabbed the bottle before leading me to the sofa in what was probably a games room, it was less crowded than the living room.

"So, Isabella. That's a pretty name." I smiled and took into a account that he was flirting shamelessly with me. One arm was slung over the back of the sofa behind me, his hand touched my bare shoulder. His leg was brushing my own as were the tips of his fingers slightly. His body seemed to be getting closer and closer to me with each second that went by.

Jeeze, how long had I know this dude?

"Call me, Bella or Bells. I prefer it. I only get called Isabella when someone's talking to me seriously, or when I was a kid and I was naughty." Despite the drink in my hands, I took a big mouthful, ignoring the burn as it washed down my throat. My head was already spinning. If Edward was planning on getting me drunk, it was working.

"Don't suppose you're a _naughty_ girl now, eh?" He took a drink from the bottle.

"When I wanna be." He leaned into me, so that his lips were at my ear.

"And how do I get you to be, pretty lady?" He whispered, his teeth grazed my earlobe slightly causing me to shiver.

"Keep doing what your doing, and I-" I froze mid-flirt, as I spotted something over Edward's shoulder.

Black recognizable eyes bore into mine.

I trembled - a little too violently - as the gin spilt over Edward's lap. He gasped at the coolness of the liquid and my attention was immediately turned onto him.

"Oh, shit! I'm _so_ sorry!" I snatched a tissue from the side and started to dab at the spillage. I hadn't drank _too_ much, so I was fully aware of what was physically happening in my pants as I rubbed his groin.

"Don't be sorry." He murmured, putting his hands behind his head, watching me groped him.

"I need to go." I dropped the tissue and got to my feet, scanning the crowd for Jacob. I _knew_ it was him. I knew those _eyes_. He was watching me flirting with Edward, or should I say, flirting _back_. I couldn't help but wonder how he felt.

Did he feel bad? Sick to his stomach? Torn like I always felt when he was with Leah? Or did he feel relieved to see me with someone else? Glad to be rid of me? I didn't give Edward a chance to stop me before I was off, throwing myself through the crowds of people in search of Jacob.

_My Jacob_.

I searched through all the rooms, all the people - having to get close up to them to see their faces - but having no such luck. I ventured downstairs, only to come straight back up as I heard heavy pants and moans coming from the other side of the basement door.

At least Rose and Jazz were having fun.

I even stood on a chair - not an easy thing to do in these heels - to get a better view of the people grinding each other. But still, luck wasn't with me.

I took the stairs two at a time, nearly tripped over some douche that had passed out in _my_ way. I checked the bathroom, only to find some girl puking her guts out in the toilet. I shut the door on that one, I had a bit of a weak stomach.

I nervously checked all four bedrooms to find everyone one, _but Jake_. Making out on the beds, or in the motions of stripping each other down in order to get _some_.

I groaned loudly slumping against the wall of the landing. I couldn't find him. But I _saw_ him! I was definitely him.

I was about to make my way downstairs again, when I spotted another staircase. I hopped as fast as I could up the stairs to another small landing, with two doors. One was an empty bathroom, and the other-

"Oh shit!" A girls voice panted behind the closed bedroom door. I pressed my ear gently against the door. I knew it was gross and disgusting - not to mention downright pervy - listing in on two people fucking. But I was in search of _someone_ worth much more than my pride.

"Fuck _Leah!_"

But apparently _he_ wasn't in search of me.

My stomach lurched and I threw myself into the closest bathroom, plunging my head into the face of the toilet before violently throwing up.

I groaned as my stomach heaved again, wanting to expel more stomach acid, but I managed to keep it down. I climbed to my shaky feet and rinsed my mouth, first with water, then with mouthwash - whoever's that was.

I couldn't believe it.

I couldn't believe _him_.

I hated him. How could he do something like that to me? But then I realised, what if what he saw - with me and Edward downstairs - lead him to do something like this?

How stupid can I get?

I still _loathed_ him. That bastard.

I clamped my hands over my ears before stumbling out of the bathroom and tripping as fast as I could down the stairs, leaving my worst nightmare behind me.

It was when I was staggering down the second set of stairs, leading me to the lounge, when I caught my foot behind that fucker passed out on the stairs - yes, the same one - and fell, nearly on my face, when two strong arms caught me.

And I immediately knew I just puked my guts up for nothing.

"Bells?" _Jacob's_ deep voice was filled with a mixture of relief, confusion, pain. Whereas his dark eyes, glinting through his dark _Zorro_ mask where full of sadness and regret.

Yeah, there's something's I regretted myself.

But then reality hit me.

He was holding me. _Touching _me. Heck, if he looked at me that would be good enough. And I was _ecstatic_. Yet completely _mortified_, as I remembered the _hate_ I felt towards him not long ago, when I _thought_ he was in that _room_…

What a _whore_. His - cringe - girlfriend, came to this party, with _him_, and she was screwing some other dude under the same fucking roof?

I was _so_ not keeping this one quiet. Sure, it would hurt him. But hadn't he hurt me, so it was a moot point anyhow?

"Jake?" I breathed, my heart lurched steadily yet fast. Feeling whole and pain_less_ now Jacob was near me.

As if he realised who I was, his soft hands dropped my arms, falling limply to his sides. I glared at my feet and took an involuntary step back. As I was looking down, I didn't miss his hands twitch towards me, as if wanting to take me back in his arms, but they never made any further movement.

"I'm sorry." He murmured gently. I blinked back the tears before looking straight into his eyes.

"For what?" I bit off, harsher than necessary. His eyes softened, and he looked almost a little upset that I was standing before him snapping. And so he fucking should.

"For the other night. I'm sorry for walking out on you like that. I shouldn't have. I love you too. I always _have_." My heart beat healthily at his words, but it wasn't the way I wanted to hear them.

"But, apparently it'll never be enough." I muttered. He sighed and took my hand, I _should_ have snatched it away. But I missed the warmth, the softness of his russet palm under mine, _so much_ that I simply couldn't pull away.

"I _cant_. I'm with Leah," he whispered, staring at his feet before looking up at me, "I _cant_." He repeated in a pained voice.

"Well, doesn't look like she's with _you_."

"What?" He asked sharply. I glared up at him under my false eyelashes.

"I cant believe you don't know! She's cheating on you Jake! I caught her last week, _fucking_ her neighbour in the bush! And just a minute ago, I was looking for you and some guy was moaning her name in the bedroom on the top floor. I thought it was _you!_ It made me so sick! How can you not see the lies and the truth which is staring you, right in the face?!" I yelled exasperated. I was fed the fuck up of saving his worthless piece of shit of a girlfriend.

Did revenge feel good alright.

He dropped my hand and shook his head, as if trying not to believe what I had just said.

"I don't believe you." He whispered still shaking his head.

"Then why don't you go and check for your fucking self?! You ignorant dick! I'll be waiting outside when you discover the fucker of a mistake you've made. Then you can come and say sorry." I shoved past him and all the other people in my way, staggering outside into the cool air. I walked round to the side of the house and sat my - positively fuming - self on the wooden bench, wrapping my arms around my legs.

I took a deep breath through my nose and closed my eyes. Re-evaluating what had happened this eventful night.

Three thing I was absolutely positive:

I had completely forgotten about Edward.

If Jacob never believed me, I would possibly rip his dick off.

And if he did, I would use all that was left in me, to win his heart. Once and for all.

I felt another persons presence to my left, and wasn't so surprised to find Jacob standing there, expressionless face paler and possibly apologetic.

I could have smiled.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." He whispered sadly, his eyes left mine and looked to the floor ashamed.

I took hold of his hand gently in my own and pulled him down onto the bench beside me, before hugging him against my body. He wrapped his long arms around my waist and nestled his face into the crook of my neck, as if he were a child and I the comforting parent. I removed his mask and hat, so I could stroke his soft hair which I had so longed to touch since he left me in that room.

Something wet trickled down my neck and into my bra - which was probably not hiding much right now, but I didn't really give two shits.

"Why are you crying?" I asked softly as I pulled his face away, the dim outside lights revealed glistening trails down the side of his soft cheeks. I brushed them away with the back of my hand. I had seen him cry before, _of course_.

But this somehow felt marginally _different_.

"Because I was such a dick to you. I'll never forgive myself for…even considering believing _her_ and not you. I understand if you hate me, but no one can hate me as much as I hate myself right now. Even you." He looked up from our entwined fingers into my eyes. His gaze had me melting in _all_ orifices.

"I forgive you." I leant over and hugged him, placing a small lingering kiss on his cheek. I felt his face brush mine as he tried to turn his head towards my own.

I panicked and pulled away sharply, but scooted closer and draped my legs over his, resting my head on his chest.

He placed a soft kiss on my head, inhaling the scent of my hair slightly.

"It feels good to have_ my_ Jake back." I sighed.

"Mmm, it feels good to be back. I've missed you." He whispered into my hair.

"I missed you more." He chuckled gently. It was quiet for a long moment. The cool breeze drifted over my bare skin, but I hardly registered it. Jake was keeping me warm.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," He murmured all of a sudden, "Your mom, spoke to my mom, saying how torn up you were. I was in my room and I heard the whole thing. I felt like shit." As I heard this information for the first time, I inwardly cursed my mother for being a complete gossiper.

"Oh, er. I'm fine. We don't have to talk about this," He shifted me around so that I was facing him, meaning that I was _practically_ straddling him. I tried not to rub myself against him, but his arms were sort of holding me down.

Cant say I didn't try.

"No. We need to talk about this…" He paused for a moment, staring straight into my eyes, he seemed to be looking for the right words, "You see. I've been doing _a lot_ of re-evaluating since…that _kiss_. And, maybe you _are_ right. That I've never really noticed the person I _really_ love, has always been right under my nose." He looked down at me, like I looked up at him as he repeated my earlier words, emphasizing what he was saying.

He sounded like an _angel_.

I chewed my lip as I caressed the side of his face, "I don't want what happened with Leah, to have an effect on what your saying now. Please tell me now that your not just saying this because it's _over_ between you and her. I don't want to get my hopes up." I whispered, tracing the outside of his pearlescent lips with my finger. He surprised me by grabbing hold of my hand sharply, but instead of pulling it away. He placed it on his chest, his heart drummed hyperactively under my touch.

"Feel that? _That_, honey, is because of you," he picked up my hand and placed it somewhere I had only dreamed of touching. _Yes_. He positioned my hand on the _very large_ mound under his pants. I started salivating as I felt the heat under my palm.

"Feel that?" He whispered huskily, "That's for _you_ also."

"Oh Jake," I sighed, before tugging his chin gently towards me, our lips met halfway. Our kiss was soft, passionate, heated, and everything else anyone could imagine. With_out_ permission - so Jake - his tongue ran along the underside of my lips, before delving deeper into my mouth in search of my own. He moaned in the back of his throat and pulled me tighter against him, as I twisted my hands through his cropped hair, positively shaking with excitement.

_This was how it was meant to be_…

"ALRIGHT THIS PARTY IS OVER!" Someone shouted, making both Jake and I jump away from each other in surprise.

"Come on," He took hold of my hand and towed me round to the front of the house, where sure enough, a couple of police officers were making their way into the house, ready to break up the party.

"Do you want a lift home?" He asked softly, as I scanned the sidewalk for Rose's car. Not there. Obviously meaning her and Jasper had taken off to a quieter place. Typical.

"Yes, please." I beamed, gazing up at his tall frame. Well if this meant I could spend more time with him…

_Hell yes_.

The journey was filled with a comfortable silence. We never spoke. Just held tentatively onto each others hands occasionally smiling at each other.

"So…" Jake started, swinging our hands between our bodies as he walked me to my door - unnecessary, but still - "I'll see you at work tomorrow?" I nodded eagerly.

"Of course." He beamed and shuffled closer to me as if it were a first date.

"Night then…"

"Night," I whispered and stood on the balls of my feet so that I could touch my lips softly and teasingly against his parted ones.

"I love you." He murmured, brushing his nose against mine as my heart crashed hyperactively against my ribs.

"I love you too."

I arrived early to work the next day, running on a high from the previous night. I could have given Jake a lift, but I knew how he liked his sleep so I didn't want to disturb him.

My colleagues didn't mention anything about the other day, for which I was grateful. I'm not sure I would have really been able to answer them anyway, it was a busy day today.

It was when I was leading a customer to their dog which they were picking up, did my life change ever so dramatically.

"Bella!" Jake burst into the room, shock both I, the dogs and the other people to a silence.

"Hi Jake." I excused myself for a moment and made my way over to him. His hands shook violently and I was immediately suspicious.

"What is it?" I whispered, glancing over my shoulder to my grinning colleagues. Wait…

"Bella, I have something to say…" He choked out. I swallowed loudly, not sure whether this was a good thing or a bad thing…

He then threw himself down onto his knees in front of me, clutching onto my hand in his large one.

"I love you. I love you so much. Like you wouldn't believe. And I don't give a fuck whether people think I'm being irrational. But I have to say it. _Now_…" He took a deep breath, his forehead glistened with sweat, as my heart took of like a wild thing, my breathing came out shallow and sharp.

_Oh my Jesus_…

"Marry me." Were all the words it took to send me falling to the floor.

_I hope he took that as a _yes.


End file.
